An Act of Good Will
by Straightjacket Serenade
Summary: A series of drabbles in which Hussie gets bored, and decides to 'grant wishes' to certain people. It's just an act of good will- why are you so suspicious? EDIT: Has gone from a oneshot to an incomplete series of oneshots.
1. Kurloz

You sighed and closed your eyes, willing yourself to get some sleep for once. Meulin was off doing … Actually; you had no idea what she was doing. Probably trying to talk to some of the other trolls, even though you are sure most of them don't understand sign language. She was leaving you alone long enough to sleep, and you were grateful. You haven't slept very well when she was around since the nightmare.

Just as you were about to fall asleep, you heard someone walk up behind you. You sat up and whipped around angrily, wanting to know who disturbed you. You can't say you were prepared for what you saw next.

"Why hello there, Kurloz," a tall orange man said, looking down at you. You swore you recognized him from somewhere, but you couldn't place where. The fact that he knows your name unsettles you, and you stood up, looking at him cautiously.

"Kurloz, I've been bored lately, so I'm going around granting wishes. Consider it an act of good will. So," he leered, "What would you like? Almost anything at all. I do speak sign language," he added when you glanced around for something to write on. No need to use your telepathy on him—he didn't need to know about that.

_First, who are you, and why should I believe you can grant motherfucking wishes?_ You signed. Something about this person made you uneasy, but you didn't think he was lying. Actually, you thought he was perfectly capable of doing what he said, and a lot more.

"Who I am isn't important, but I suppose you could call me a god if you wanted. As for why you should believe me, you say that as if you don't already. Besides, I'm offering you a wish. Are you really going to question it?"

You hesitated, and then decided the worst he could have done was lie about what he was able to do. _Anything I want? Really?_ You signed. He nodded You didn't even need to think about what your wish would be. _I want you to fix Meulin's hearing._

He seemed impressed. "Really? Are you sure?" You nodded. "She'd want you to fix yourself, you know."

You paused, then nodded again. _I know_.

"And you still want to fix her instead?"

_What happened to me was my own choice. What motherfucking happened to her wasn't. I am absolutely motherfucking sure that is what I want my wish to be. So, fix her. Now._

"In a bit of a hurry, aren't you?"

_Can you do it, or not?_

"Of course I can."

_Well then do it. Now._

He concentrated for a moment, then opened his eyes again. "Her hearing's fixed."

_If you're motherfucking lying-_

"I don't lie. I might not tell the whole truth, but I don't lie."

Something about that sentence caught your attention. _What? What do you mean, not the whole truth?_

"You might want to go find her now. I doubt she'll be able to find you anymore." He the distance, you could hear a scream you immediately recognized as Meulin's. You were torn between absolute terror and pure hatred for the man in front of you.

_What did you do?_

"An eye for an eye, a sense for a sense," the man muttered, glancing in the direction of Meulin's scream.

_What did you motherfucking do?_

He opened his mouth to speak, then thought better and took a few steps back out of your reach first. "She's blind now."

All earlier thoughts of keeping your telepathy a secret forgotten, you screamed into his head. "What do you mean she's motherfucking _blind_ now?"

"I mean she can't see now. Blind."

"You _motherfucker_! I'll _kill you_!" You lunged for him, but he sidestepped again. You tried to control him as you do with Meulin, but stopped dead when you realized he wasn't coming towards you like you wanted.

"I'd stop trying that, if I were you," he said. You did not try to control him again, but you still wanted to kill him the second he let his guard down.

"I want you to fix her _now_," you snarled into his head.

"Kurloz, I already fixed her. You wanted her hearing fixed, and she can hear now. I don't work for free, and I figured you weren't going to give me something in return, so I took something."

"You never asked for something! I would have given you _anything_!"

"I never asked? Hmm, must've forgotten."

"You motherfucker!" You took a step forward, and he, a step back.

"This is exactly what you wanted. You were the one that asked me for her hearing to be fixed, remember?"

"_This_ is _not_ what I wanted! Put her back the way she was!"

"I can't," he said, and then paused. "Or _won't_, I guess. Same difference."

"I said put her _back_!"

"What if I refuse? And before you say something else, I don't think it would be wise to threaten me again." He smiled, but there was no humor in it.

"I've never been a wise motherfucker," you said, but held back the threat all the same. You doubted it would do any good, anyways. "Look, this isn't what I wanted. If you fix her," you faltered, but continued in what you hoped was still a confident manner. "If you fix her, I'll owe you one or something."

He raised his eyebrows. "What lengths you'll go to to keep her safe. You'd really do that for me? Me, a possibly unhinged, malevolent person who just blinded your friend?"

You took a deep breath, then smiled as wide as you could. It stretched and pulled at your stitches, but it did its job, because the orange man looked deeply unsettled. "Unhinged and malevolent sounds like a pretty sweet combo. Besides, I always remember the motherfuckers I owe. I'd really do that."

He thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Fair enough. Fine. I'll put Meulin back the way she was. But you owe me."

"Of course," You told him, then paused. You figured asking was worth a shot, so you concentrated and asked him something else. "So I guess there's no motherfuckin' way you'd give me a straight fix deal?"

"What? Of course not. You had your chance. I already fixed her, and you made me undo it. I'm not going to redo it. Even I have limits."

"Motherfucker," you muttered.

"Now, just out of curiosity, what are you going to tell Meulin when she comes to you with a story about how," he put on a falsetto, cruelly accurate compared to Meulin's voice, "I was able to hear just like normal for five whole minutes, but everything was really dark."

You glared at him before you answered. "I'll get something figured out before then."

"So, not the truth, then?" the man asked.

"No. I'm not telling her this."

"Alright. Well, I really should go now, but I have a feeling we'll be seeing each other again very soon, Kurloz."

"Right. I guess I could thank you."

He looked incredulous. "What for? I didn't do a thing, except extort a favor out of you and Meulin's expense."

You smiled again. "That's why I ain't gonna. I said I _could_ thank you, not I _will_."

"Hmm. Fair enough, I suppose. Goodbye, Kurloz Makara." You heard Meulin scream again and look in that direction, but when you looked back, the orange man was gone. You lay back down on the ground; when Meulin comes to find you, she might as well think you were sleeping the whole time.


	2. Dave

"Three years on this rock. Un-fucking-believable," you muttered. You would never admit it, but you jumped the slightest bit when Rose walked up behind you and spoke.

"Davey Dave Dave, shushhh," she slurred, trying to out a finger to your lips and pouting slightly when she was brushed off like an annoying bug. "We've already been here for like," she paused a moment to count on her fingers, but apparently two was too much to count to, because she gave up and kept speaking, "A lotta years now. Plus we got the trolls t'keep us company an' stuff. 'Snot_that_bad. 'Sides, if y'want, I can almechi... Alcruni... I can make _loads_ of stuff to keep you mind off things. Want some?" She gave a shaky grin and offered you the bottle she was holding.

Seeing her like this was unbearable. You'd tried to help, tried to take her drinks and guide her to bed when you could, but she just kept alchemizing more. She was drunk nearly every time you saw her at this point, and you'd all but given up. Let her troll girlfriend or whatever take care of her.

Looking at her this time, however, you were overcome with a sense of pity. You took the bottle from her, holding it out of her reach when she made a grab at it. "Rose, Kanaya's with Karkat. Go find her. _Please_," you add when she shakes her head.

"Dave Kayana's gonna get mad at me I don't wanna go find her 'cause she'll be mad and disappointed and-"

"Alright, fine. Just go sleep this off or something. No more booze," you said as she walked off, even though you were totally aware she'd go find more the second she woke up. You sighed and turned around, directly into the chest of another person. "What the hell, watch it!" You backed up a bit and looked up and the face of the road block, another remark building up in your mouth before being cut short when you saw his appearance. "Dude... Why're you orange?"

The man sighed. "Not the point, Dave. I've been-"

"Hold up, why do you know my name? Who are you?"

"That's not important. I-"

"No way, man. I wanna know who you are."

"You could call me a god."

"I thought the trolls were like our gods. You know, game played, universe created, happened to be mine."

"They created your universe, but I created- hold on, why am I explaining this to some kid? I'm a god. I can do god stuff. That's all there really is to say on the matter," the orange man said with a shrug.

You paused. "Alright, I'm gonna skip the whole 'you're insane if you think I'm gonna believe you can do jack shit' part, and humor you. What kind of god stuff are we talking here, exactly?" you ask with a smirk. There was no way this guy wasn't full of it.

"Basically, anything. That brings me to the point I was going to make if you hadn't interrupted me- I'm _bored_."

"And you think I'm not? I've been on this meteor for two years, orange guy. Dealing with everyone's shit loses its entertainment value after a few minutes. Besides, you said you're a god. Can't you just poof up something to do?"

"Not exactly. That's why I'm here- I'm doing what is essentially granting wishes. We'll call it an act of good will. So? Got a wish, Dave?"

You laughed. "Alright, I put up with the whole 'I'm a god' thing, but you honestly expect me to believe you're fairy-godmothering your orange ass around this meteor granting wishes because you're bored. Nice try, man. Almost had me."

He narrowed his eyes, then looked over to the door Rose had left through. He snapped his fingers, and you heard horns squeak as someone sat up. "Kanaya? Dave? What am I doing in the horn pile? Who put me here, and gave me a bottle of-" The orange man snapped again, and her call reduced to a slur and the shifting of horns as she settled back down into the pile.

Your breath caught in your throat as you spun back to the orange man."Was Rose just sober? She was about to pass out a second ago, what the hell was that?"

"That was me giving you an example of what I can do. You believe me now, Dave?" he asked, smirking slightly.

"Yeah, I believe you. I still ain't gonna take that wish, though." You still weren't sure this guy was a god- you'd met plenty of people with powers, you even had a few yourself, who said this guy wasn't just god _tier_?- and even if he was, he'd have to be a pretty fucked up god to allow everything that had happened to them so far.

"No Dave, I'm not just god tier. I only said god to give you a frame of reference for what I'm able to do," the man said, crossing his arms. You chose to ignore the fact that he knew what you'd been thinking. "Now, I'd suggest you rethink your decision not to take my offering. I can do anything, you know."

"Anything? Alright, kill Bec Noir. Or English, that'd work too." You smirk. If this guy was actually what said he was, he should be able to do that no problem, and save you the trouble of fighting them.

"That's cheating, you little shit. I'm not going to complete your job for you just because you're feeling lazy," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Lazy? Man, I just don't want to die. _Again_." You add. "Well if you can't do that, what can you do?"

"Alright, _almost_ anything. I can manipulate emotions, make someone fall in love with you."

"_Love_? Man, there's like five girls in existence right now that are still _alive_, I can't believe I even have to make that distinction, fuck this game. Most are aliens, and one's my _sister_. That's like eight kinds of wrong."

"Alright, no love. Maybe revenge is more your style. You know, _accidents_ are prone to happen around me," he said with a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm sure they are, but no thanks. Unless you want to _accidentally_ kill any one of the several huge ass bosses we're currently going after, I think I'll skip letting you kill people."

The orange man looked the slightest bit disappointed. "Well what _do_ you want, then? I don't have all day, you know."

You thought for a moment, then had an idea. "Earlier you made Rose sober. Can you do that again? But, you know, permanently?"

"Permanently keep her away from alcohol? That's a pretty big order, Dave. You're sure that's what you want?"

"You were just saying you could do anything. Besides, you did it earlier. Just do it again, except for longer. Like, forever." There was no way this guy was going to offer you something, then draw back last second like this. "Unless you think you can't do it, of course."

The man narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean? Of course I can do that!"

"No, no, it's cool. You can't do it, you want me to pick something else to spare your embarrassment. That's fine."

"Fucking little..." The man murmured, then shook his head. "Fine. She's sober. I'll leave her asleep. Wouldn't want her waking up and seeing me."

"So that's it, then?" You ask. There's no more to-"

"_Dave_!" Karkat called as a door slammed open. "Dave, w- where're you?" Dave recognized the tone in Karkat's voice all too well, and spun back around to the orange man.

"What the fuck did you _do_?" you hissed just as Karkat barged in the room.

"Dave! I wanna- wait, who's'is douchebag?" he asked, hardly able to stand. You ignored him for the moment, and focused on the man in front of of you, who was currently trying, and failing miserably, not to grin.

"What, you think _I_ did this?" The man feigned hurt.

"Fix. Him," you growl. "Dammit, having Rose smashed was bad, but him?"

"Dave, Rose was pretty drunk. I can't just make all that disappear. It has to go _somewhere_."

"But why'd you transfer it to _him_?" you groan as you motion towards Karkat, who was currently spewing curse words trying to get your attention on him instead of the current conversation.

"Dave! Hey asshole, listen! Fucking nookwipe, pay attention, I gotta tell you somethin." He stumbled towards you and pointed an unsteady finger in your direction. You threw a pleading look in the orange man's direction.

"Please, take this back. At least Rose could _kind of_ deal with this, Karkat can't do this and no one's going to try to help _him_. Move it again. Make me an alcoholic or something, I don't care, just not him!"

The man smirked. "You might want to deal with Karkat first." Karkat had made his way up to you, and was hanging off your shoulder, glaring at the man.

"Who's this guy?"

"Me? No one. Go ahead and talk to Dave." He waved a hand in your direction. For some reason, Karkat decided this was reassuring, and turned to look you in the eye- or as close as he could, with your differences in height.

"Dave, I gotta tell you something."

"Look, Karkat, now's not-"

"Shooshhh," Karkat said, and you swatted at the hand that was patting your face. "Dave, I gotta, uh, I gotta say, you're _reeeal_ good lookin, and uh-" The man had doubled over laughing, and you made a note to kill him momentarily.

"Karkat, shut up," you said, pushing his hand off your shoulder and turning to the man. Suddenly deprived of his armrest, Karkat lost his balance and pitched to the floor. "_Fix_. _Him_," you said, teeth clenched.

"Why should I?" the man asked. "I came here and did this for entertainment, and I have to say, this is pretty entertaining," he said while motioning towards Karkat, who was trying to pick himself up off the ground.

"You can't just leave me here with him!" you cried, shaking Karkat's hold on your pants.

"And why can't I?" he asked with a smirk. "I don't see anything stopping me from doing exactly that."

You floundered for a moment. He was right- if he wanted to, he could leave and let you deal with the damage he'd caused. There was nothing holding him back. "Man, I have all of jack shit to give you. I know you've been so generous in giving us an easy time so far," you said sarcastically, "So could you continue the whole benevolent god thing and fix all this?"

The man thought for a moment. "I want your cape."

That threw you a bit. "My- man, what do you want my cape for?"

He smirked and shrugged halfheartedly. "Dunno. It _is_ a pretty sweet cape, though."

"Yeah, it's _my_ pretty sweet cape!"

"Alright, I suppose if you're that intent on keeping it," the man said, glancing pointedly at Karkat. "I could leave. Maybe Rose can help you with him. I'm sure she'd have fun psychoanalyzing his drunken ramblings."

You glared at Karkat, then at the man, and back and forth between the two for a few moments before the fabric of your cape caught your eye. "Dude, come on. Anything else," you said. If anyone were to ask, you'd vehemently deny how pleading your voice sounded.

"Well, I suppose you could always just... Owe me one."

"Owe you? What, like a favor?" you asked, confused. "What favor?"

"Not sure yet. Whenever I need your help in the future, I'll let you know. For now, I'll fix Karkat, _and_ you can keep your cape."

"_And_ you'll fix Rose," you prompted. There was no way this guy was weaseling his way out of the deal without helping Rose.

"_Or_ I could just leave Karkat and Rose drunk, if that's what you'd prefer."

Alright, maybe there was one way this guy was weaseling his way out of the deal without fixing Rose. "So you're really not going to help her at all, huh?" you asked.

"I can either leave them both drunk, or I can fix Romeo here and get a favor from you later," he said, nudging Karkat with his toe. "What's it going to be, Dave?" You muttered something under your breath, just low enough he couldn't hear what you'd actually said. "What was that?"

"I said fix him, I'll owe you one, you win, you cheating bastard," you said, although your muttered sentence was much longer, and most likely would've resulted in much worse than just Karkat and Rose being drunk.

The man beamed. "Excellent! Now, remember Dave, you owe me one," he said at the same time the horn pile honked in the other room. You heard Rose groan as she sat up, and turned to face the room. When you turned back, the man was gone.

"Lying, cheating _fuck_!" You yelled after him, and Karkat smacked your leg from his position on the floor. "Dave, why the everloving fuck does my head hurt, and why am I on the floor?"

You sighed and walked away. Let those two figure shit out on their own, you thought. No way were you going to try to explain to them what just happened when you didn't understand half of it yourself. All you knew was that you owed the orange guy some ambiguous favor whenever he decided to collect it, which was not something you were looking forward to.


End file.
